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Defending MP: Baby-cost backlash too much
Readers rush to defend MSN Money columnist and potential mom MP Dunleavey after initial negative reaction to her cost-benefit analysis of children.
By MSN Money Staff
"I don't think that MP Dunleavey deserves to have a child," wrote one reader who couldn't believe MP Dunleavey used a detailed cost-benefit analysis to decide whether or not to have a child.
Initial reaction to her column "Kids: Bad investments, big returns" flooded MSN Money's e-mail folder. So many people responded that we issued a separate extra to our regular weekly "Letters from MSN Money readers" called "Cost analysis? Stay childless."
Since then, even more readers have written letters strongly supporting Dunleavey and denouncing the earlier comments. Here is just part of that new wave of mail:
I am absolutely appalled, not by the article itself, but by the responses to the article! First off, who are any of these people to tell MP Dunleavey whether or not she should (or deserves to) have children? That is a decision for her to make, and her alone, not anyone else.
I wonder how many of you who read MP Dunleaveys column actually understood it. The title alone Kids: Bad investments, big returns says it all. Financially, its a bad idea, but she says it in her column that you can not put a price tag on the emotional gain of having kids. That emotion is the big return. Re-read the column and you will see that in what she says!
I just wanted to voice my support for MP Dunleavey and her article about the costs of having children. I am a soldier currently serving in Iraq expecting my first child. It is nice having someone put the facts down and I thought she gave fairly to the fact that it is more than just a money decision. I always look forward to her articles as they are easily understood and uplifting. Thank you very much for being honest and keep up the good work.
Wow, I cannot believe this backlash against Dunleavey. As a 23-year-old who is still deciding if I want to have a family or not (yes, people in this day and age actually have a choice, thank God), I thought it was very helpful and informative to see on average how much raising a child costs. I'm a rational person who would prefer to be informed about the consequences, financially and otherwise, of my decisions.
Related news and commentary on MSN Money
I'm horrified by the comments that this article rendered. Most of the readers seemed offended at the mere suggestion of considering the financial benefits and costs of having children. What world do these people live in where reality and practical concerns don't register when choosing whether or not to make another human? God forbid someone should strive to make such an important decision in a rational way. What it tells me is that the readers made their own decisions to procreate in unthinking ways that I don't wish to fathom.
Why the hostilities to the author? All these comments telling her not procreate -- back off -- its none of your business! More people need to see and understand the financial and time commitment required in parenthood before they try to procreate (Ill take it further, to have sex in general). I personally analyzed how much a child or two will require from the time they were born to the conclusion of college. Whether the analysis that I came up with be correct or wrong doesnt make any difference. The difference is that people should plan, and the fact that anybody undertook the time to do the analysis will make them better prepared for parenthood. How responsible is it to have kids and not have enough money to care for your child properly? By the way, my analysis showed that we couldnt afford to maintain our lifestyle with the addition of two kids. We had them anyway because we can and we wanted to, and knowing full well the consequences for our decision can not be a bad thing. We adjusted our lifestyle (by choice) to have our kids!
I read Dunleaveys article about the cost-analysis of kids, and I was shocked that there was so much backlash! Her article rocked! As a 25-year-old grad student in a stable relationship, Ive thought a lot about kids. This kind of information is invaluable to my generation! We need someone to do these kinds of calculations. Whether or not middle America likes it, we are not our parents generation. My generation has no security. Our incomes are down, and debts are up. For us, having children can not be an accident. MP knows whats up.
Whether we agree or disagree with MP Dunleavey's article, her column is injected with a bit of twisted wit that catapults everyday people into having interesting conversations. Although I want children, I know people who had children "for the sake of having children" and then faced undue financial burdens because they didn't plan properly for their arrival. Mind you, I'm not saying everything can be planned, but don't charge plasma TVs, cell phones, and overextend yourself financially prior to starting a family. Not everyone should have children but most people can have children. That is the big elephant in the room no one is addressing in today's society.
I have always enjoyed your articles, and I give you a lot of credit for having the courage to write this one. I am sorry that people have written such nasty replies to you. It is obvious that they didnt read the entire article, nor have they familiarized themselves with any of your other pieces. We gave a great deal of thought as to whether or not we should have a baby because of this financial hit. I wish more people would consider the financial impact of having children. I teach elementary school music. I see children who were born into families where things have been well-planned, and they are flourishing. I see other children born into families that have more children than they can afford to have, and those children really suffer. Please dont take the (comments) youve received to heart. From what Ive read of your writing, I think you would make an excellent mother.
After reading the responses that the article received, I am more convinced than ever that far too many people are having children who should not be having children. Imagine, the author dared to plan ahead and think about an important decision. How could she do such a thing? (If they do not get it, this is sarcasm, for the cretins out there having children.) Even worse are the couples having more than two children? Now, that is gall, as if they have some right to overcrowd the already overcrowded planet with their unplanned, un-financed, and ill-conceived bad seed. It is a sad commentary on society. A debt ridden, impulse, ill-disciplined and increasingly obese population creating more of the same. Too bad more people do not emulate the authors financial and dietary habits.
Could everyone please be fair to MP Dunleavey and avoid these knee-jerk overreactions? She was merely assessing the costs of raising children and advising a little wise planning and calculation, not advising against procreating. Do you really want to go into anything you're doing without being adequately prepared? Surely it's better to weigh both sides now than wish you had later. Give her a break; she presented both sides of the issue in a fair, unbiased manner and even concluded that the joy of having children trumped the financial planning spreadsheets and economic considerations. So if all of you could stop foaming at the mouth long enough to read her article rationally, you might be able to benefit from it.
I saw nothing wrong with the article from MP Dunleavey. As a matter of fact, I think the lessons this article teaches should be required teaching in schools throughout the country. Far, far too many people "have sex first, think about the outcome later." And I think giving them something to make them realize the slap in the bank account you'll have from having children is a reality check, not anything sinister. Considering most children are not actually planned at the time they are conceived, perhaps thinking about money instead of romancing the moment, will give lust-struck couples a reason to remember what birth control is and how to use it properly. Six billion-plus people on Earth are enough. Let's plan for retirement instead.
I applaud Ms. Dunleavey's article on the cost of raising children. I am amazed that readers call her selfish and self-centered! The truly selfish people are anyone who had more than one biological child -- even a man who is already a father and remarries a younger, childless wife -- and anyone who will not consider adoption because they have to pass on their own precious DNA.
Opinions are mixed
But not all of the new reaction is positive. Quite a few readers agreed with the views shared in Cost analysis? Stay childless." Here is a sample:
I have never been so sickened by stupidity! How selfish can one truly be? MP Dunleavey does not deserve to know the joy that a child can bring. I am a 28-year-old woman who has just begun the journey into parenthood. I wont lie and say that finances have been a major worry with this new development, but never would I compare my child to my retirement account. Life is about priorities and evidently, her only priority is herself. I would expect this type of view from a man, but not a mother to be. MP is the type of mother that this world does not need. If she wasnt sitting on her nicely padded retirement account, she would be the type of person who would throw their child into a dumpster or even worse, all because she is so obsessed with money. I am ashamed that she is a part of the human race, being a woman (or so she calls herself) is only one more strike to those of us who value our lives and our children.
The best advice I ever received was: If you wait until you have enough money to have children, you never will. With a 16-month-old daughter and a boy due in early June, my husband and I have realized that the advice was true. For anyone who does not have children and is contemplating it money-wise can not imagine the feeling of pleasure you receive each time that little person does something new and amazes you every second you spend with them. My husband and I both work full time and still manage to save for the future and have always been able to save for a rainy day. To us it is all about living life to the fullest and our children are a big part of that.
I cant believe that this author suggests retirement money is more important than, or even at least as important as, being informed about diabetes, Downs syndrome or any other potential health risk to your baby. Having a child has certainly drastically changed the way I spend money, but who cares? Its not all about me anymore. My priorities have changed, and for the better! I would give up everything I own for the pleasure of holding my daughter and looking into her big brown eyes. I am thankful every day for her. I dont mean to bash, but I am seriously offended that someone would even suggest that parents do not consider their children to be a positive entity in their lives.
Keep reading MP Dunleavey's columns to see how this all resolves and keep those comments coming to MSN Money.
Editor's note: Letters may have been edited for grammar or spelling. Due to space considerations, some letters have been condensed and are not presented in their entirety. The views and opinions expressed in the letters are those of the authors and not necessarily those of MSN Money.
Send your comments to: investor@microsoft.com.
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