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| The Basics | Are you stressed and overspending?
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It's not uncommon to spend money to relieve stress from jobs, family life or other worries. But it often just leads to more stress when the bills arrive.
By Bankrate.com
You just found out you're getting a new boss and, to make matters worse, you and your spouse had a big blowup. You are stressed to the max. What are you going to do?
If you are like millions of Americans, you'll grab your plastic and head to the mall.
"People under stress revert to their oldest, most primal survival mode, and it is always dysfunctional," says psychotherapist Olivia Mellan. "If overspending is already a part of your personality, then your response to the stress will be to spend money."
Sure, spending can cheer you up -- but only temporarily, say the experts.
Attempt to block out the pain
It's one of those activities that help to blot out whatever else is on your mind. When you're thinking about what you're going to buy, you're not thinking about what's stressing you.
"There's nothing wrong with buying something to cheer yourself up as long as you can afford it -- financially, emotionally and spiritually," says psychologist April Lane Benson. "But if your purchase leads to trouble, then it's a problem."
Sometimes spending is a response to a single traumatic event, like the threat of a natural disaster. In Florida, after Hurricane Frances passed over Palm Beach County, the malls were jammed the day the stores reopened.
"After any kind of trauma you want to do something to make yourself feel better," says Robert Butterworth, a noted psychologist and media commentator.
"You see people buying things and they look happy. Spending is a primal way to make you feel better."
Plastic relief
Unfortunately, spending to relieve stress can create a vicious cycle that leads to serious financial difficulties, which brings about more stress and anxiety.
We are a nation of overspenders, says Benson, who says it's a national epidemic that starts at the top. "Look at the national deficit. After Sept. 11, President Bush told Americans not to let the terrorists interfere with our everyday life and to go shopping."
According to Benson, as many as 15 million American men and women suffer from compulsive shopping. Feelings of loneliness, emptiness, low self-esteem, insecurity and boredom can cause people to buy compulsively.
Sometimes people turn to spending money to take their minds off what is bothering them or to cheer themselves up, says psychiatrist Dr. Gail Saltz, an associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian Hospital and an NBC-TV "Today" show contributor.
They get hooked on the high from buying that extra something. They get into difficulty if it becomes the main method for de-stressing themselves, says Dr. Saltz.
"Some people might eat because the food makes them feel good, but they might not like it later when they've put on a few more pounds."
The spender also doesn't like later -- when the bill arrives.
Avoiding the real issue
If you are secretly spending or racking up credit card balances that bring on financial hardship for your family or cause arguments between you and your spouse, you have a problem.
Instead of trying to understand what makes you sad or anxious, you tend to deny the symptoms by shopping or eating or other things, says Saltz. It's important to look at what's bothering you and try to evaluate it.
Saltz gave this example: You think you're not going to get that promotion you hoped for, so you go out and buy yourself that expensive suit to cheer yourself up.
The danger is that spending distracts you from thinking about why you didn't get that promotion or what you could do about changing your behavior in some way so that you don't miss the next promotion.
"It's not that buying yourself a new suit or new makeup to cheer yourself up is bad. But, if it's one instead of the other, that's not good," she says.
Is your shopping a problem?
If you're concerned that perhaps your spending habits have reached the problem level, ask yourself these questions. - Do you use shopping as a quick fix for the blues?
- Do you often spend more than you can afford?
- Are some of your purchases unused, forgotten or hidden away?
- Do you feel guilty or ashamed about this behavior?
- Have your attempts to change been fruitless?
- Would your life be richer if you weren't shopping so much?
Getting help, learning new habits
If you could answer yes to any of the questions, you have a problem and need to become aware of your spending habits.
"You have to face the fact that this is serious and not just something you do once in a while. Be honest with yourself. Ask those around you to be honest as well. Ask the people who are close to you what they see. Take a good look at your credit card bills. You need to know what your behavior is costing you," says Benson, author of "I Shop, Therefore I Am: Compulsive Buying and the Search for Self."
"We can never get enough of what we don't need. It's like looking for love in all the wrong places. You think, 'If only I had this new leather jacket' and how having it is going to make you feel better about yourself. But it doesn't because it's not about something external."
Learn other ways to nurture yourself, recommends Olivia Mellan, co-author of "Overcoming Overspending: A Winning Plan for Spenders and Their Partners."- Try activities such as meditation, taking a walk in nature or going on a date with your spouse. Find something that will be more fulfilling than a shopaholic binge. Reach out to family and friends for help.
- Take a buddy to the mall who knows you and knows you overspend. Tell them your spending limits and make them hold you to it, suggests Mellan.
- Get back in touch with a hobby you enjoyed in the past, says Washington, D.C., therapist Janis Evans. Meet for tea instead of going to the mall. Find new ways to relax.
- Make a list before you go to the mall. Consider window shopping -- go to the mall, but leave your credit cards at home, suggests Evans.
- Consult a therapist. There's also help from organizations such as Debtors Anonymous and 12-step programs for chronic overspenders.
"Money is a drug," says financial planner Wayne von Borstel. "It's the No. 1 drug in America. It gives you a quick high every time you spend it. If you have a good day, you go out and spend money. If you have a bad day, you go out and spend money. It makes us feel good. But no matter how much money you make -- financial success is related to whether you save or spend.
"Squirrels end up with millions because they put the nuts away, not because they make lots of nuts."
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