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In the meantime, Engel isn't afraid to enlist the kids as contributors to the common good. She pays the insurance on both cars but lets Anya, who works part-time at Hallmark, buy gas for the Saturn. The girls use cell phones on Mom's dime -- "I needed to have a way to stay in contact," she says -- but they make do with the car radio rather than iPods. Engel buys the essential clothing; Anya handles the fashion upgrades. Anastasia, known as Nastya, is the rare teenager who forgoes the mall altogether. "Shopping is not my favorite thing," she says.
Absent from this family's budget ledger? Big credit-card bills. "I get mad at myself if I have debt," says Engel, who uses plastic but avoids carrying a balance. Better yet, says Garrett, stick with cash. She recommends the cash-in-envelopes system for keeping a budget honest. "The end of that cash is the ultimate stopping point," she says. "Credit cards, and even checks, don't have that tangible feel."
Scout for tax breaks
Engel has one surprising ally in her efforts to make ends meet: the IRS. "Most single parents I've worked with do not have much of a tax issue," says Garrett. Parents who file as head of household, for instance, usually pay a lower tax rate and are entitled to a higher standard deduction than single taxpayers and married couples filing separately. Parents may also be able to take a $3,200 exemption for each qualifying child, plus a $1,000 tax credit for each child younger than 17 at the end of the year. (For more on the tax issues of divorced parents, see (PDF) IRS Publication 501, Standard Deduction, and Filing Information.)
If your kids are in day care so you can work, you're entitled to a dependent-care credit (up to $3,000 for one child younger than 13, and up to $6,000 for two or more). But if you can contribute to a flexible spending account, in which you may set aside as much as $5,000 in pretax dollars for child care, you're probably better off using the FSA. If you spend more than $5,000 on child care, you can claim the credit on up to $1,000 (see (PDF) IRS Publication 503, Child and Dependent Care Expenses).
Michael Morton, of Alameda, Cal., enjoyed another family-friendly tax break: a credit of $10,630 for adoption-related expenses (see (PDF) IRS Form 8839). That baby-shower gift from Uncle Sam helped Morton, a single dad, defray the $25,000 it cost to bring his son, Thomas Anh Huy, home from Saigon, where he was born three years ago. "You just get a check back. It makes a big difference," says Morton, an operations manager for an online store.
Worried your child-support payments will bite back at tax time? Don't be. Whereas alimony -- a relative rarity these days -- counts as taxable income, child support escapes liability.
Ask for a little help
For all her coping skills, Engel often feels overwhelmed by the energy it takes to fly solo. "The biggest problem is not the finances but the stress itself," she says. "I'm all alone here. Other single parents have families to lean on. My family is in Russia. It's harder for us."
Still, her friends in Tucson provide a measure of solace and support. Lately, Engel has been dating a single father whose kids are the same age as hers and, she says, "sometimes we share advice on raising teens." Other friends fill more casual roles. "One is for talking about guys," says Engel. "Another is for going to the movies. Friends helped me find a lawyer and a mover. They helped me negotiate to buy a car. It's nice to have a network."
Such networks, formal and informal, offer single parents crucial backup. Morton enjoys getting together with a group of parents who have adopted Vietnamese children. "You look at your family, you look at each other -- you have things in common. It's great." He also relies on the enthusiastic support of his large, extended family: "Thomas is the only grandchild, so they're flipped out about him, in a good way."
Neighbors can help, too. Says Garrett: "I've run into neighborhood associations where a group, typically mothers or single parents, form their own network and help take care of each other's kids. Instead of worrying about the high cost of day care, they provide it for each other."
Then there's the been-there-done-that contingent. Parents Without Partners, the educational group, offers peer sessions for single parents on budgeting, child rearing and relationship issues, as well as activities, such as potluck dinners, that don't require a babysitter. "Many times, someone in the group has been where that new single parent is and can give insight," says Soucy. "We understand."
No matter their strategy (or lack thereof), single parents can take comfort in one sure thing: Sooner or later, kids grow up. On one of the cool, sunny days that characterize Tucson winters, Engel and her daughters sit in their bright kitchen and contemplate that prospect. Anya hopes her future will hold schooling in England and trips around the world (or at least to New York). Nastya is considering attending community college and wants to be a veterinarian, as long as she can stay close to Mom. Says Engel, "We dream of having a farm. I could garden, and she could have animals."
Meanwhile, she says, "things have gradually been getting easier. Now that I have the house, I feel more stable. The girls and I are happy. And that's the main reason for having children -- to make them happy."
Jane Bennett Clark wrote this article for Kiplinger's Personal Finance.
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