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| The Basics | Stop your kids' whining!
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Children know how to get what they want -- they nag. Here's what parents can do to gain control over the nagging and teach valuable lessons about money.
By Liz Pulliam Weston
One of my girlfriends frequently says that shes never surprised at what kids do. Shes often surprised, however, by how their parents react.
This observation came to mind when the Center for a New American Dream published its survey about kids and nagging. The poll found the typical child aged 12 to 17 asked his parents to buy a desired item nine times before the parents gave in.
The fact that kids pester their parents for stuff shouldnt be any surprise. The fact that it works should give us pause.
While were pausing, here are some of the surveys other findings:- 55% of the 750 kids surveyed said they could usually get their parents to relent, even after the folks had said no.
- 11% of those aged 12 to 13 admitted they bugged their elders 50 times or more to get something they'd seen advertised.
- Four in 10 say they know in advance when their parents will say no -- and they ask anyway.
Not surprisingly, the center -- which promotes responsible consumption and fights commercialism -- blamed advertisers who are increasingly, and successfully, targeting children.
The ball is in your court
Money experts who have kids, however, dump the responsibility right back in the parents laps.
Kids need to know what the rules are, said Janet Bodnar, who has three children and who wrote Mom, Can I Have That? and Dr. Tightwad's Money-Smart Kids. If they keep nagging and you keep giving in, she said, then the rules dont mean anything "
At the risk of stating the obvious, letting your kids nag you for stuff is a bad idea three times over:- Its bad for your budget. Every dollar spent on some quickly-discarded, cheesy plastic whatever is a dollar thats not available for your kids college education, your next family vacation or your own retirement.
- Its bad for your sanity. Nobody likes to be nagged, and you dont need the stress of being bugged for whatever advertisers are pushing this week.
- Its bad for your kid. Little Tyler doesnt learn much about responsible money management when youre in whine-and-capitulate mode.
Steve Rhode, co-founder of the Myvesta debt-counseling service in Rockville, Md., and parent of a 15-year-old, has some sympathy for both parents and kids. Rhode, 42, believes its a much more material world today than when he was a child. Kids develop fashion sense earlier, thanks to advertising, and spend more time in commercial settings such as malls. Thats part of the reason that kids now influence $300 billion in purchasing decisions, up from $50 billion 20 years ago.
Parents also are busier, and may buy their kids things as a way for making up for not spending as much time as they should with their kids.
Bodnar, who is also a columnist for Kiplingers Personal Finance, adds that its pretty tough to completely counteract peer pressure and the desire to own the right stuff.
Parents must set the limits
Youll always have to buy them some of the things that other kids have, says Bodnar, whose oldest child is in college, but you dont have to buy them everything.
Its up to parents to set limits, Rhode and Bodnar agree. Those who have succumbed to childish pressure in the past may have to work particularly hard at making sure the new rules get enforced.
Just saying no is not going to stop it, Rhode says. Youve got to have an alternative.
When Rhodes daughter wants something, for example, he offers her opportunities to make extra money around the house in addition to doing her regular chores. The money must be earned in advance and saved for the purchase -- an excellent way to teach both deferred gratification and the importance of saving to get what you want.
For the past couple of years, Rhodes daughter has also been in charge of her own back-to-school clothes purchases. Shes given a budget, and its up to her to make it work. Rhode said the girl has learned to be a pretty good bargain shopper.
In Bodnars house, negotiation and limits are the rule.
Well say, we can get the designer shirt you want, but you have to get regular jeans, Bodnar says. We also have a $50 sneaker rule. If (the desired footwear costs) more than that, they have to make up the difference.
More strategies that teach money lessons
Another popular tactic is offering matching funds for big purchases -- if your child can save half the money for a new bike, for example, you match it with the other half.
Of course, sometimes "no" will have to mean "no" -- when the child asks for something that youd dont approve of, or that's not within the familys budget. Again, firmness is the key, the experts say.
Theyre just testing you, Bodnar says. They need to hear, No, were not going to get that and heres why.
Your job will be easier if you can counteract the advertising your child is bombarded with daily on the tube, on the Internet and even at school. The Center for a New American Dream has a brochure called Tips for Parenting in a Commercial Culture that offers some suggestions:- Limit television and computer time, and keep these ad machines in public areas where you can keep an eye on them.
- Mute the television during commercials, or . . .
- Talk with your child about how the marketing pitches are trying to influence their decisions.
Once they know what to look for, kids can be pretty quick to spot inflated claims and hidden messages. The more they know about how marketing works, the less influence it may have on their lives.
Still, Rhode and Bodnar say the key to outwitting the advertisers, and stopping the whining, is consistent parenting. And that shouldnt mean consistently giving in.
Liz Pulliam Weston's column appears every Monday and Thursday, exclusively on MSN Money. She also answers reader questions in the Your Money message board.
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