To print article, click Print on your browser's File menu. Go back   Get market news by e-mail See if refinancing works Personal finance bookshelf Letters from MSN Money readers Find It! Article Index Fast Answers Tools Index Site map Recent articles by MP Dunleavey: • Get the wedding gifts you really want, 9/14/2003 • The fine art of splitting a check, 8/28/2003 • Can you afford a stay-at-home husband?, 7/20/2003 More...		The Basics How to fend off kids selling stuff No more magazine subscriptions! No more wrapping paper or candles! Stand up to these pint-sized salespeople and their adult accomplices.  By MP Dunleavey Fall brings them on in droves -- and you never know when or where they'll strike next. You answer the front door, arrive early for your commuter train, stop at the store for a carton of milk -- and there they are, waiting for you. Do you want to buy some chocolate-caramel-nut slabs? Or wrapping paper? Lottery tickets? Stuffed animals? Monogrammed Tupperware? Address labels? Ginsu knives? A used Toyota? This pint-size sales brigade isn't soliciting for cash. If you ask them, they're not even really selling anything. They're fund-raising. They're doing a public service. They're saving the whales, or buying school uniforms or replacing all the books in the library with Eminem CDs. Still, it'll cost you -- if you want to get out of there with your conscience, never mind your ribs, intact. (Count your blessings that they can't reach much higher.) Credit card interest out of control? Find a lower rate. True survival stories One woman described an incident at her office, where a small band of children lay in wait -- er, were waiting -- during her lunch hour. "I tried to dodge them. I said, 'I'll get you on the way back,'" she said. "But when I returned from lunch, the same kid came up to me and said, 'OK, you're back.'" "You don't buy because you want the product," said one recent victim resentfully. "It's more like extortion." "How do you say no to a pair of eyes even bigger than the nose between them?" asked a repeat victim. 7 ways to fend off the horde Are the amounts involved so high? Not at first. But considering the guerrilla nature of these assaults and the duration of the school year (getting longer!), you can easily spend thousands on unwanted tins of cheese popcorn and really ugly sequined picture frames. Especially now that these mini-marketers have recruited dozens of adults to push products on their behalf. Here's how to arm yourself for the coming year: Be sincere but firm. "I say, 'No thank you, but I wish you the best of luck,' and I say it from the bottom of my heart and keep walking," advised my sage cousin Alicia. The key element here is the forward movement. Or sideways. Size and longer legs are your best hope. Save your elbows for tight corners where you're outnumbered. Lie shamelessly. One guy said he always claims to be diabetic when kids come pushing M&Ms -- but it's not distracting enough, he says. "They still want money." Clearly the answer is: Better Living Through Fiction. Tell the little tykes that you're saving money for your iron lung, in case you get polio. Or that all your spare cash is helping to finance the California Gubernatorial Recall Election. By the time they figure out what "gubernatorial" means, you'll be gone. Sell them something. A little-known defensive tactic is being employed by a growing number of determined adults. When a small person offers to sell you mints, offer to sell them DVDs. Video games. Or your watch. Or the watch of the person standing next to you. They'll be so flummoxed you'll be able to make the 20-yard dash to your car before they can whip out their own wallet. Bribe them. As an occasional maneuver, paying off the offender can work: "One of my co-workers was selling candy for her daughter," said a friend of mine. "I paid her to go away." While this doesn't save you a lot of money, you will end up spending less than if you had actually purchased something. Or several somethings. And you don't have to fill out the dumb form. Scare them. One woman advocates this clever strategy to handle door-to-door attacks. "When I was in college and visiting home, my mom dressed me quickly in a monk-like robe, lit a candle for me to hold, and had me answer the door with, 'How can I help you?'" The little solicitor backed off quietly and was never seen again. If you're not at home, or don't have a robe or candle handy, consider these alternatives: throwing a (fake) epileptic fit, picking your nose, grunting like a Snuffalupagus. Distract them. Say you're happy to buy several boxes of yogurt-covered pretzels, but explain that you have allergies and you need to know, in great detail, what the exact ingredients are before you buy them. While they're reading the ingredient list from the box or catalog -- write down your fax number. Ask them if they can fax it to you and say you'll get right back to them. Nail the grown-ups fronting for the kids. It's bad enough that these kids have banded together. You also have to be braced for stealth assaults from people you once considered your peers. It's not pleasant to have to work in fear, but there it is. Luckily, you can claim to have "just bought the same thing from the kid next door." If that doesn't work, hide under your desk. If they do that tacky move of leaving the catalog -- with an attached envelope for cash -- on your desk, take the money, flush the catalog down the restroom toilet, and then say that the last time you saw the catalog it was on Fred's desk. A word about Girl Scout cookies The one exception to the dread of the upcoming fall selling season seems to be Girl Scout cookies. "I buy them in bulk and freeze them," said one woman. Another rhapsodized about Thin Mints (a personal favorite of mine, too). I don't know why Girl Scout cookies seem to inspire a greater willingness to open one's wallet, but they do. Maybe because those damn Samoas are laced with a secret ingredient that Americans find irresistible. My advice: Use Girl Scout cookies as your secret motivation to spend your money wisely this season. For every three unwanted product assaults by the pint-size sales brigade that you manage to foil, allow yourself to buy one box of cookies. Then, use the money you save to buy a workout video. It's a lot of calories between now and next summer. More Resources ·  E-mail us your comments on this article ·  Post on the Your Money message board ·  Get a daily dose of market news Search MSN Money     tips   advertisement Sponsored Links
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