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| The Basics | My big, fat, cheap wedding
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Don't let that simple, charming backyard event transform itself into a snarling, cash-sucking monster. Here are my secrets: how I've cut $15,000 in expenses for the big day.
By MP Dunleavey
There are 43 days until my wedding and I'm already $900 over budget. This blows a serious hole in my plan to have the cheapest wedding on earth. Now I have to call the Guinness Book of World Records and tell them they can't take my photo after all.
For all of you who are getting married soon -- that's about 2.5 million of you this year -- I know you feel my pain. Even if you personally weren't attempting to scale the nuptial equivalent of Mt. Everest by having the cheapest wedding on earth, you are probably doing your best not to rack up outrageous wedding expenses. Which, believe me, only takes drifting off for two seconds at the caterer.
"So we'll do the prime rib puff pastry petit fours?"
"Um, sure . . ."
It's the small hors d'oeuvres that getcha. Who knew you could spend $15,000 on Vietnamese spring rolls?
No more nodding off
Alas, vigilance is the price you pay if you want a truly frugal wedding. Because despite various allegedly "discount" bridal Web sites and other resources that help you plan your budget (see links at left), no one wants you to have a cheap wedding. I typed "How to have a cheap wedding" into AskJeeves.com and Jeeves just laughed at me.
No wonder. According to the Association of Bridal Consultants, the average cost of a wedding is about $20,000, and the vast and powerful wedding industrial complex brings in about $120 billion a year. That includes the reception, the attendants, the rings, flowers, wedding favors, mints, etc. It also includes some of the set-up costs related to the new marriage. Did you know newlyweds spend about $12 billion on new cars and other automotive expenses? I can't imagine: His and Hers SUVs?
Of course, you can opt out of most of those ridiculous expenses, which is what I tried to do, inspired by my wallet and an MSN Money colleague (have a gander at Jennifer Mulrean's column, "Tie the knot without busting your budget"). Still, I made a few mistakes, mainly because I made some assumptions -- which were wrong. For example, I thought having an outdoor wedding would be the cheapest option. Why? Because my back yard costs a lot less than a hotel or hall. But alas, my back yard doesn't come equipped with tables, chairs or ice buckets to chill the cheap beer we're having instead of champagne. In fact, Eileen Monaghan, vice president of the consultants' association, said that outdoor weddings typically run about 10% more than indoor weddings.
Well, now that we're paying $983 (and counting) to make sure we have the right number of teaspoons and napkins and water glasses, I've figured that out.
As Jane Parmel, a wedding consultant in Brooklyn, NY reminded me, "You can't think of everything because you don't plan a wedding every day. But we do."
My cost-cutting secrets
That said, my wedding is only going to cost a quarter of the national average. Could I have done it even cheaper? Yes, if I eloped or went to a Justice of the Peace. But . . . I'm 37. I'm my parents' only daughter. They've been waiting since my birth for me to get married already, and I'm not about to pass up my only chance to wear a dumb gown.
It's just too bad that wedding costs only seem to happen in extremes. Either you go to the JP and eat a celebratory meal of hot dogs afterward (my friend Laurie did this). or you have to shell out a few thou.
But a few thousand doesn't have to mean $20K. So here's how I managed to cut $15,000 worth of potential wedding expenses out of the picture.
1) Give up The Dream.
My dream wedding would be to invite everyone I've known since childhood and have a fabulous overnight at The Ahwahnee lodge in Yosemite. Or fly to Greece. But if you want to have a cheap wedding, you have to banish those Cinderella fantasies (and so does he). Now: Start thinking what a cheap wedding would look like. Not tacky. Not Motel 6. But cheap. My fianc and I started with the idea of having a picnic, and that helped to shape the New, Improved, Frugal-But-Fabulous Wedding Vision.
2) Invite no one.
This is hard. Your mother will cry. His father will insist that cousin so-and-so be included. Your friends will assume that other friends are invited and invite them on your behalf. This happened to me, so I know. But because the reception (i.e. feeding all those folks) accounts for about 50% of your budget, if you want to slash costs you can either have a potluck -- my friend Val did -- or you can invite fewer guests. My fiance's family is small, but my Irish-Catholic one is anything but. Still, we've kept the guest list down to about 48 people.
Hint: You think this might involve offending everyone, but let me tell you my big, fat, cheap wedding insight. Unless you're 22, your friends and family are sick of weddings. They will be relieved when you tell them, lovingly, that they're not invited. And most people will understand. I flew across the country for one old and dear friend's wedding -- so it was especially hard to tell her she wasn't invited. Luckily, like most brides, she remembers the terrors and tradeoffs of trying to make The Big Day one you will always remember -- yet can still afford.
3) Don't make your own invitations
Unless you're a computer genius, get a discount stationer to make your invites. I wish we had. Instead, my fianc and I thought it would be cheaper to make our own. Maybe it was, but all I remember about those three horrible days was that finding clear labels that worked with my printer was a nightmare. And I cried a lot. Bottom line: The stress and time were not worth the $25 we saved over a professional invite. Which we lost anyway when we took those overweight, non-standard size envelopes to the post office and forked over the extra postage.
4) Have a hiring freeze
Musicians, photographers, flower arrangers, a babysitter for the flower girl -- there is no end to the wedding personnel you can hire. So don't. There are many ways to improvise. Get a friend to take photos. Ask your sister-in-law to arrange the flowers (thanks, Deirdre!). Offer student, semi-professional musicians or DJs "a chance to gig" -- or ask friends and family to make CD compilations and assign someone to press "Play" on the 10-CD changer.
5) Consider a wedding consultant
Since a cheap wedding is, by definition, a couple-organized event, you might want to consider calling in a wedding planner at some point to make sure your bases are covered. Wouldn't this qualify as a ridiculous indulgence, you ask? It's all in how you want to spend your money -- and your time. I called a couple of bridal consultants for the simple reason that the details are getting so overwhelming, I thought it might be worth a few hundred bucks to have someone manage the minutiae so I can actually get some work done. Of course the first one I called had a flat fee of $7,500. Choke. Gasp. But the next one offered me an hourly rate to pinch hit for these last 43 days, and estimated the total cost might be around $700.
Considering that I've already spent more than I planned, according to the budget planner on www.theknot.com (see link at left), I probably won't hire one. But if I keep having to make all these heavy withdrawals on my peace of mind, maybe I'll rethink the cost-benefit analysis.
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