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| Bankrate.com | How cheapskates get away with it
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If you're always stuck with the check, visit our rogues gallery of skinflints and learn to spot 10 types of tedious tightwads.
By Jay MacDonald, Bankrate.com
When the check arrives, does your date disappear? Is there a lone dollar on the table after your four-star meal? Does your companion pitch a hissy over the sushi until the restaurant eats your bill?
Guard your wallet. You might be dating a tightwad.
Olivia Mellan, author of "The Advisor's Guide to Money Psychology," says most of us are either spenders or hoarders, regardless of gender. It is generally spenders who drag their cheapskate partners into her Washington, D.C., therapy practice.
"For these people, money is security," she says. "They have a lot of fear. They have a lot of deprivation mentality, that if they don't hold onto it they'll be in big trouble."
What turns someone into a tightwad?
"Sometimes it's a childhood trauma. They grew up in a family where there was never enough or their parent was a hoarder and they have adopted that behavior whole hog," she says.
"Other times, if someone was an overspender in the family and got everyone into trouble, you might react by becoming the opposite."
Money opposites do attract
It has been Mellan's experience that tightwads and spenders either find each other or manage to bring out the opposite in their partners over time.
"If opposites don't attract right off the bat in a couple's relationship, and they usually do, then they will create each other's opposite eventually; they'll polarize eventually. Even if two spenders get together, they tend to fight each other for the spender role and the other one will tend to hoard in comparison," she says.
"It's very rare to see two spenders who continue to spend equally or two hoarders who continue to hoard equally. Somebody will always want to spend money on some immediate pleasure purchase and then they will begin to look like the spender in the family by comparison."
Some of us manage to combine the two extremes all by ourselves. "Bingers, for example, are hoarders and spenders combined," says Mellan. "They save, save, save and then they pop their cork and blow."
So you've discovered you're mixed up with a penny pincher. Is there hope for cheapskates?
Mellan chuckles. "It's like the light-bulb joke: 'How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.' If they see that it's costing them something that they value, such as a relationship, then there is hope. Otherwise there is no hope."
Spot the 10 classic strategies
Not sure if your significant other is a certified cheapskate? Go out to dinner; it's the perfect opportunity to see if someone falls into one of these 10 tightwad categories.
The Wimpy. You remember J. Wellington Wimpy, Popeye's rotund, homburg-wearing buddy, and his classic line: "I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today." Come on, you know a Wimpy, don't you? Chances are you've been friends with one for so long that you've given up any hope that they'll ever reimburse you for that double latte or stadium dog. After all, what's a pal going to do, say no? Just remember, there's a good reason why Wimpy's wearing the nice business suit and Popeye is in his shirtsleeves.
Mr. or Ms. Big Bucks. These devious cheapskates may foot their fair share of the bill all right, but where they pinch pennies at your expense is on the group tip. How? When the gratuity rolls around, they've only got some outlandishly large bill. To avoid any postprandial unpleasantness, at least one kind soul in your group will always toss in for them, thereby letting them off the hook -- again. In reality, the chances of any of us being stranded without tippable denominations more than once a year is approximately the same as our odds of besting Tiger Woods at Augusta.
The Slow Drawer. Ever had one of those great heartwarming dinners that you hope will never end, then hope that it will end, then wonder why it hasn't ended, then jeez, could that be the sun coming up over there? You've just been pickpocketed by a slow drawer, friend. Nothing -- nothing -- is going to make them go for either the check or their wallet. However, the tiniest motion that you make toward the ticket will not only immediately be acknowledged with profuse gratitude, you might actually be nominated for sainthood.
Consumer Crusader. Who's going to save the world from tough steaks, overcooked legumes and surly service? Why, it's consumer crusader, that's who! You may have dined with this penny pinching superhero who takes such umbrage at the quality, quantity or presentation of their meal that they leave the restaurateur little choice but to waive all or part of the bill. Consumer crusaders never view their table tantrums as a cheesy ploy to duck the bill. On the contrary, they consider their public display of dissatisfaction a valiant blow for consumer advocacy, even if it leaves you red-faced with embarrassment.
The Universal Tipper. Maybe they failed math. Maybe they're allergic to metals. Maybe they think all service workers pool all of their tips the world over and each is secretly building a house in the country with their share. For whatever reason, there are tightwads among us who leave the exact same tip for every meal, everywhere, every time. It's true; just ask your favorite waitperson. Which leaves it to us to either drop a few more bills on the table in their wake or risk being seated by the restroom next time.
The Timely Incontinent. Ever dined out with a friend whose attention to the conversation started to drift just when the coffee and dessert were kicking you into hyper drive? They may have been watching your waiter tally up your tab, the better to make their critically timed and lengthy visit to the restroom, thereby leaving you and the check alone to get better acquainted. The timely incontinent wants you to do the right thing ("My treat!") without ever suspecting their true motive. After all, we all must answer nature's call, right?
The Itemizer. How do you spoil a great meal? Divvy up the bill with an itemizer. These skinflints have to break down every item on the check to the penny, including prorated tax and gratuity, for every party at the table. In doing so, they know they will pay exactly what they owe and not a cent more. More likely, if your party is large or has successfully overcome sobriety, some or all of you will gladly fork over a bit more in the itemizer's favor just to avoid the dinner audit.
The Anti-Rain Man. Unlike Dustin Hoffman's character in Rain Man, this type of tightwad is no genius with numbers, unless you count the uncanny ability to consistently underestimate their portion of the check. The beauty behind the anti-Rain Man's technique is they know that, even though we may suspect their underlying penuriousness, it would be socially bad form to criticize their math skills.
The Card Sharp. Here's the scenario: You've all enjoyed a wonderful meal and nobody's in the mood to tally up. Suddenly, one of your group volunteers to put it all on plastic. Relieved, you throw cash at the benevolent problem-solver, who halfheartedly tosses back change and usually walks away with at least their tip taken care of, if not half of their meal. Most of us are willing to pay a little extra for the relief of not having to ruin a perfect meal with mundane accounting, and the card sharp knows it.
The Non-Alternator. Do you know someone who always lets you pick up the tab with the proviso, "The next one's on me," and it never is? Meet the non-alternator. These cheapskates are banking on the likelihood that you won't be so socially uncouth as to make a scene the next time it's their turn. Even if you should be so bold, be prepared for any number of excuses why they can't pick this one up but promise to get it, you got it, next time.
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